In looking at boundaries, we cannot escape one main point: responsibility. Our boundaries basically define our sense of responsibility for us. They tell us what our lives consist of and what we are responsible for. We must own our body, feelings, attitudes, behaviors, thoughts, choices, desires, and limits.
If we were to stop there, behind carefully guarded fences, we would live a very safe, but very unbiblical existence. This would fall short of love, the goal of life. The biblical concept of love involves loving and laying down our life for others. However, it is impossible to give away what we do not have, and boundaries are our way of “having” the self that we can then choose to give away.
Owning our own lives is the essence of freedom, and there is no love without freedom. Freedom realizes oneself, and love motivates us to give that self to others. When we give before we are free and truly own ourselves, we have fallen short of servanthood and into slavery. Realize what you own, and then share yourself with others. This is to fulfill the law of Christ.
I read this from a great book called Changes That Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. (cheesy title I know, but this is one of the only books that makes sense to me in terms of blending psychology and faith) This passage about "Seperating from Others" really speaks to me at this point in my life. The idea of first having freedom and then giving yourself away in love is a refreshing way to think about my sense of self and how I relate to others. I'm sure I don't have to have it ALL together in order to start giving to others, but at this point, I feel like I need to do some serious soul-searching and responsibility-building. Then I can give myself fully and not half-assed.
I'm sure it's a balance that's hard to achieve...I hope I can be at peace with where I'm at and take comfort that I don't need to try so hard...I just need to give it up to God and things will work out the way they need to.