Bridge Crossing on "You Are Here Stories"

I had the fortunate opportunity to be published as a guest blogger on the fantastic "You Are Here Stories" blog for which my friend and former housemate is a regular contributor.  June is the "Travel and Place" theme, which I interpreted more on a micro-level.

It's a rehash of an old piece I wrote in 2008.  I hope you enjoy!

Read it here: http://wp.me/p5fqQD-ve

Life is like riding a bicycle

"Life is like riding a bicycle: to keep your balance, you must keep moving."

I loved this when I saw it this weekend on a trip with my mom and some other ladies in Berlin, OH (Amish country).

There are times in my life, when I need my training wheels, when I need someone, God, a friend, a family member to hold me up and keep me balanced.  But when the training wheels are to come off, I need to keep moving or I will tip over.  If I'm too afraid to start, I will never get anywhere. If I'm too afraid of where I'm "supposed" to go, I'll never get there.

We all have seasons in life, and I feel like right now, I'm starting to get back my confidence and trying to not rely on the crutch of my training wheels.  In my spiritual life, I have been agonizing over my lack of prayer, my lack of discipline.  I wonder about the "right" way to do it. I worry about going the wrong direction and relying too much on my own power and getting into a accident because I went the wrong way.  I forget that the "wrong choices" can often be teaching moments and point me to turn around into the right direction.  Sure, it'd be better to avoid them, but if I'm not moving because I'm afraid to fail, I've failed before I've even started.

In a way, it's better for us to see God as a parent who wants us to always come to them in all situations like a child.  But God also wants us to be able to ride that bike without needing their hand on the back seat. To be sure, God is never far in case of trouble and to cheer us on, but perhaps we need to have more confidence in ourselves, in our God-given ability to make good choices and to do good things? This does not mean that we don't need God desperately, it just means that like recognizing a health practitioner's God-given talents to heal, perhaps we need to see those qualities in us and trust them as though they were the words of God saying, "do this," ?

So for me, right now, I'm finding this "keep moving" mantra to be very helpful. God is good about letting me know when I need to turn around or avoid a pothole or go in a different direction when we need to, it's the staying still that keeps us from moving or growing.  Or not getting back up when we do fall down.  I think that is often how our faith plays out: moving forward in confidence that God has our back as we keep going, keeping open to new directions as they present themselves and listening for God's voice if we do need to go in a different direction.

I do think it's also dangerous to be puffed up and think we are beyond God's help or guidance or rest.  This in itself is a balancing act.  Gratitude is the key: it's where we take our own efforts and bring it back to God as the source of our abilities.  When we live in gratitude and humility, it becomes less about what we are doing and how we are doing it, and more about enjoying the experience in the moment.  When I've ridden my bicycle, there are times when I'm too focused on the destination and technique and time that cause me grief and frustration, or there are those enthralling moments when the wind is in my hair and I feel free and overwhelming gratitude.  I think that latter example is how God wants us to enjoy and experience life.  Not that all is daisies, but gratitude, when it also applies to the hard stuff in life, is a powerful thing that can drastically change our outlook on a situation.  We keep moving, but we keep moving in gratitude and awareness.

Just keep moving, y'all.

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EDIT: I realize that this post is almost counter to other posts I've made and maybe swinging more on the Free Will end of things (here's another post where I talk about that paradox of being).  I'm not sure how to square these two realities: that I need God to even breathe, but I have been given Free Will too and I have a sort of power on my own, limited though it may be.  I feel right now that I'm more on the side of the pendulum that says to "move" and "act" and be confident in the abilities God already gave me.  Also, there is my relationship I have with God...I do believe that sharing life with God and recognizing the "God things" is more the point of our faith anyway.  It's not really about doing great spiritual things, it's about growing closer to the heart of the Creator of the Universe.  The action and gratitude can then come naturally out of that relationship.

Step Back From the Mirror...

Sometimes it happens:

I am standing at the mirror and get a close look at my face...

Now I don't fancy myself all that concerned about looks, but I would be lying if I said I NEVER cared...

So close to the mirror, I can see little things that bother me.  Things that might not really be that big of a deal. The problem is when I begin to fixate.  And I soon realize that I've spent way more time than I have the business to be spending on my face, perhaps even making things worse.

This carries over to other areas in my life.

I fixate on a small task at work and then realize I have no time to do the bigger things.  I fixate on a certain detail of a project and spend time meaninglessly making corrections.

This gets worse when it comes to fixating on my failures.

I focus too much on what I feel I lack instead of what I have. In my spiritual journey, I focus on the many little things I feel I should be doing.

I find that I assume God sees me the same way.  Truth is, he DOES.  But he also sees the bigger picture and is full GRACE.  God knows my shortcomings as well as the wonderful things about me...and LOVES me completely.  I fail to see this when I get so close to my crap...I really am often a bad gauge of myself.

Times like this, I really need to learn to catch myself and to step away from the mirror.

I figured this Halloween pic would be an appropriate end to this post...

Lessons From Flying - Outgoing

We take off east instead of heading directly towards the destination.
As we begin to bank to the left, I glimpse my city amidst the fog:
Its distinct skyline slightly silhouetted by the rising sun.
It is almost too harsh to view, but I look intently for the familiar shapes and lines.

Soon enough, we continue our curve towards the west
And begin to put miles between our steel flying machine and my home.

The landscape below transforms into a thick layer of clouds:
an alien terrain of rippling, puffy ether.
This highway in the atmosphere will lead me to an even more foreign place.
This place is full of beauty and wonder and adventure.
Yet it is not all unknown: it holds the familiarity of an old friend.

Air travel can certainly be argued to be a "point A to point B" experience.
Of course the reason is to cut down the time in order to more enjoy the destination.
But I would say that the journey, the line between, matters.
It has something to teach me as much as the destination.
The question is, do I take the time to really see?

In order to get where we need to go in life,
Sometimes we need to take a good look back.
It seems counterintuitive; but it can be necessary to move forward.
It can be hard to look back: like staring into a bright, burning orb.
But if we persevere, we see what we need to see - and then move on.

The 30,000 foot view of our lives can give us better perspective
And a healthier view of ourselves and our life's path.
The way forward is unknown, but there is promise of Beauty.
And Friendship.
And Adventure.

I try to remember this as I see the miles multiply;
Even as I am not yet where I want to be:
I am exactly where I need to be.

Gotta Prioritze

You can't fit in the more important stuff after you filled your life with the less important filler.

This image of a jar with rocks, pebbles and sand came to mind to me this morning.  I realized that part of why I've been feeling so "off" lately is because I'm not learning to appropriately prioritize the things in my life.  It's not that the important things aren't valuable to me, but I just end up putting silly little things first and can't fit the big things into my day.

This is particularly the case in my walk with God.  I notice it especially at night when I should be going to sleep.  I would say protecting time to meditate on God's goodness as well as rest and sleep for my body should be considered "large rocks".  Instead I would spend too much time putzing around on the internet and going from video to video...further stimulating my overworked brain and making it harder to sleep.

I hope to reverse this and start to put the "big rocks" ahead of anything else.  What are the big rocks in your life that you are (inadvertently or otherwise) replacing with sand?

My perspective on perspective....or the lack thereof

Perspective - is a peculiar thing... It changes at the slightest vantage point.

I think I should take my memories with a grain of salt - who knows if I accurately appraised the situation due to my point-of-view at the time?

When I assure myself of the certainty of what I've perceived - I then begin to see it as the only reality possible.  Sure it may be my brain's built-in self-preservation mechanism - to keep me from having to process difficult or emotionally draining information early on - but there comes a point when I need to step back and look at it again.  Maybe uncover some callouses or veils I have set up to block out any other truth?  I need to face this truth full-on, with no filters.  I must feel every effect that comes with knowing the truth - or at least as much as I can understand it.

That's part of the rub: how can I ever know the FULL reality of any given situation?  Can I crawl into the mind of anyone else other than my own?  Do I even know my own perspective all that well?  And somehow - even when directly seeing the truth - my mind and heart still dampen the blow, because it might be too hard to take unfiltered.
Still, it is important to let go of my own reality and open up to a larger truth - else I might be stuck in a fruitless and endless cycle of, "But I KNOW I am right!"

In the case of romantic relationships - the "knowing" could keep me from ever really moving on - even if the next guy is "perfect" for me.  I don't want to carry this baggage from relationship to relationship.  It's not fair to me and it's really not fair to the other person.

In a relationship, there's my perspective - then there is your perspective - our perspectives are tainted or influenced by a multitude of factors: cultural expectations, previous experience, family and friends, social status, mental health, financial security...etc.  The point of "knowing thyself" in one sense is to recognize how these factors skew one's perspective - to get down to the raw truth of the matter.

I feel I need a divine intervention to help me actually sort through all that crap.  I need to calm the other raging and competing voices that inundate my own psyche and try to discover the One that really matters.

Then there is trying to understand someone else's perspective...which is harder than figuring out our own.  We can be as open as possible and talk very frankly about our points of view, but somehow, because I did not GO through what the other person has gone through, it is hard for me to really see from their perpective.

In addition - maybe I'm not meant to know the full truth of anything - because really...can I handle the full truth?  It's like when Adam and Eve's curiosity got the best of them and they ate from the one tree (out of hundreds) which they were forbidden to eat - the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Perhaps the reason it was forbidden was because God knew we would forever try to fruitlessly understand what we are incapable of understanding?

I don't mean this as a cop-out or a way of throwing my hands up into the air saying we shouldn't strive for knowledge and understanding: it seems to be human nature to try to sidle up to things that are beyond our grasp and try to reach for them.  Which can be very good.

It's just at any given time - because we are human - we always have limitations - to our understanding - to our abilities...  Death is a particularly sober example of our limitations.

Anyway, back to the idea of perspective:  I think the essence of human existence is trying to live on that fine line between striving to understand with all of our faculties and giving up the need to know.  Once we think we have arrived at the place of understanding, that's when we need to realize, no we don't.  Look at all the places in history when people think they know it all and I'm sure you can understand the grave problem of thinking you have the right perspective.  It was bad for people like Hitler and the Grand Inquisitor and it is bad for people like you and me: We must stay ourselves from thinking we have the corner market on the truth or else bad things will happen.

When are the times to give up?  The times when holding on to my view or perspective is causing harm to myself or my relationships with others can be one rule of thumb.  Again, meditation and quieting false voices is probably a good way to recognize this.

When my brain keeps going in circles on the same topic with no real revelation...
When I cannot wrap my head around why someone made a certain decision or took a certain action...
When someone else's world view doesn't line up exactly with mine...
When instead of trying to truly understand someone else's perspective, I am rewriting their perspective from my own standpoint to make the situation more palatable...
AND when something important is at stake:  a friendship, a future relationship, my sanity...then it is time to let go of the need to understand.

Letting go can seem like voluntary amnesia - like (SPOILER) Winston at the end of 1984...it can be infuriating to have to let go (ok, that was a bad example...a BETTER one is the brilliant video game BRAID - in the end the protagonist realizes maybe his perspective wasn't exactly the whole picture --> look it up or go download and play it if you don't know what I mean).  It's like forgetting that a piece of me exists.  It's like having to mourn yet another loss.

But it is necessary.

In the end, I can't help but think that after we let go - then - maybe then - we can also get the perspective we wanted in the first place.  But not before we go through that process.  In a way - we aren't ready to understand when we are in the state of trying so hard to understand.  Surrender might be a more appropriate word - because it does feel like a defeat - until we actually begin to heal and develop new perspective on the situation.

What bigger thing am I missing out on because I'm holding on to my own narrow view?

It's time to surrender.
It's time to move on.
It's time to heal.

God help me to do so.

And I'll leave you with the very appropriate lyrics from Andrew Bird's Lazy Projector:

If memory serves us, then who owns the master
How do we know who's projecting this reel
And is it like gruel or like quick drying plaster
Tell me how long til the paint starts to peel

Is it like Pyramus or Apollo or an archer we don't know
Though history repeats itself, and time's a crooked bow
Come on tell us something we don't know

Now who's the best boy and the casting director
And the editor splicing your face from the scene
It's all in the hands of a lazy projector
That forgetting, embellishing, lying machine
That forgetting, embellishing, lying machine 

They say all good things must come to an end
Everyday the night must fall
How it all came to this, I simply can't recall
Too many cooks in the kitchen 
How the mighty must fall

But I can't see the sense in us breaking up at all
I can't see the sense in us breaking up at all 
I can't see the sense in us breaking up at all 
Breaking up at all 

And it's all in the hands of a lazy projector
That forgetting, embellishing, lying machine 

"Just go"

The following quote, I just discovered, may be the key to many of my recent issues of late:

DARK HELMET
Good. Let's get moving.

COL SANDURZ
Yes, sir. Driver, prepare to move out.

DARK HELMET
What are you preparing. You're always preparing. Just go!

COL SANDURZ
Just go.

DRIVER
Yes, sir.

COL SANDURZ
Sir, shouldn't you sit down.

The cruiser takes off, and DARK HELMET is thrown in his seat.

Not what you were expecting? This is from one of my favorite movies, Mel Brooks' sci-fi spoof: Spaceballs. And while silly, if I may, I think it depicts a real problem in our crazy society: The inability to properly prepare.

Now I don't necessarily mean preparing in the sense of tedious planning meetings for a project at work. Or even being OCD with a planner and a wrist watch (really...don't you know we use cell phones for that now?). I mean more of mentally preparing one's self, allowing space for rest and and ease of flow into the next thing in our lives.

I know that I'm often just go go go. And man, it's draining. Pretty soon "just go" leaves one in a vicious cycle of no sleep and little room for healthy mental or spiritual reflection. Eventually, my body has a way of making me rest...throwing me back into the seat of my space cruiser, so to speak.

And now, I'd better prepare for sleeping... haha, I think I might "just go" though at this time of night!

Prayer

Does it work?
Can we really "change God's mind"?
Or is it an illusion?

Are there certain words to say?
Should I say nothing?
Is it an advanced form of listening?

Am I the answer to my own prayers?
Do I have courage to be the answer?
Do I pray for that courage?

Can I feel a change?
Do I see it work?
Or do I feel like I'm hitting a wall?

Do I get to see results?
Or grow closer to the mess?
Realize that it is bigger than myself?

Is it done alone?

Or done in community?
Does "where 2 or more are gathered" apply?

Approach with humility?
With anger?
With a rote method devoid of feeling?

Do you answer questions God?
Are you listening?
Are you there?

Mentoring

Thought of the day:

Successful mentoring or tutoring is about relationships and building trust. If you go into it to impart knowledge, you will likely fail. Become a mentor if you want to have a healthy lesson in humility.

Listening

Thought of the day in haiku form:

Listening: a vital skill
I must figure out.
Use my ears more than my mouth.

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EDIT:
I found out that a haiku is actually 5 - 7 - 5, so here's my addendum:

Listening is hard.
Humility is the key.

Ears over the mouth.

Pic-a-day Down! (again)

So with my recent incident involving my bike bag being stolen off of the back of my bike (WHILE riding up a hill), one of the many things taken was my camera.

(BIG sad face)

This means that once again, my pic-a-day has screeched to a grinding halt. I did not even make the one-year mark, so this makes me very sad indeed.

I still like the idea of doing one small creative thing a day so I'm kicking around new ideas that wouldn't include a camera. Sketch-a-day? Random thought of the day? Quick story or poem a day? In the meantime, I'll be on hiatus, so I will try to think of something to replace my daily photo posting.

I'll start with this perspective of the day:
Even though I had a lot of important stuff taken from me, I still have my physical health and I will actually be OK. The kid who took my stuff is actually in worse shape...on the path to jail or worse. So, no matter what you are going through, it's good to remember, there's always another side to a story, and there's always someone worse off than you.

Garage Full of Nouns

Thurs, March 31st


from a book I've been reading:
"There's nothing wrong with possessions; it's just that they have value to us only when we use them, engage them, and enjoy them. They're nouns that mean something only in conjunctions with verbs.

That's why wealth is so dangerous: if you're not careful, you can easily end up with a garage full of nouns."

Rainbow

I was lucky to get a shot of this out of the window after our rained-out softball game (and post-visit to the Sharp Edge):



It was one of those times where after the storm, the sun comes out, but the sky is still really gray. The late sun on the buildings created a really great contrast with the darkness of the sky. And there was a rainbow too.

This image doesn't really do it justice.

I think life can be like this too. During a storm, everything can be very confusing and tumultuous (yes I used that word). Afterward, there can be a rainbow, promises of new life to come. Things become clearer after a great struggle. The things that we took for granted before, now become brighter and more precious than ever.

Just be patient...all storms will eventually pass and leave behind something better in its wake.

Hypothesis - PC's are Lazy Bums

So tell me, why do Macs open up files that lack file extensions (like .psd, .doc, .qxd) while PC's don't?

Why can't PC's do the extra work it takes to figure out what program opens up the file?

I think it's because PC's only reach for the lowest possible standard. Kind of like a lazy student who could be a genius if he applied himself, but only puts forth mediocre effort.

It can't be that difficult to figure out, right?

Or maybe I'm the lazy one because I don't feel like adding the extension?

...

Which leads to my next hypothesis: When technology works harder and gets smarter, humans get dumber and lazier.

Maybe the PC folks are doing us a favor by keeping their computers dumber longer...thereby prolonging the inevitable decline and fall of Man in light of the ever advancing Machine??

...

yikes.

...

Which leads to my final hypothesis: Macs are going to eventually take over the world.

Rights vs Reconciliation

On this MLK Day, I had very little time to think about the accomplishments of the late Martin Luther King Jr. I didn't have the day off, so I wasn't really able to do any service projects or commemorative events.

However I had the chance to think a little bit about reconciliation. It occurs to me that the Civil Rights movement, as important and vital as it was, only hit the tip of the iceburg of the original issue. Call it racism, sexism, or any other "-ism." This problem is misunderstanding. It's fear of the unknown which leads to division. Then filling in the gaps of what is unknown with walls that keep the divisions set in place. We do all manner of hurtful things to each other and keep adding more bricks to the wall.

We can set up governmental programs and create laws to enforce basic human rights, which is a great step forward (don't get me wrong) and much needed. But people will keep wanting to stick up the bricks, no matter how many walls we try to tear down. Reconciliation, is a step beyond. It's where two parties come to a voluntary understanding. Where they humble themselves on both sides. Where both are willing to see their faults (tear down their own walls) and misunderstanding and try to work for each other's good. Reconciliation is a heart change. You can't enforce it from the outside...it has to come from within.

Humans will continue to alienate themselves from each other...we've been doing it from the beginning of our existence (take the Garden of Eden, alienation from God - from people - AND from creation). I do believe that there is hope. With God's strength, we can learn to be humble and accept each other. It most likely won't be a great social movement like the one in the 60's - it is and will always be a small thing, inspired by small acts on a relationship to relationship basis.

Realize, this is not limited to concepts such as racism. We ALL alienate ourselves from each other, often our closest friends. We neglect to fulfill promises. We say a hurtful word. And one of the original sins - pride keeps us from mending our relationships.

I pray that God will break us of this pride so we can see into other people's situations...so we can truly reconcile: not begrudgingly give in to a set of principles, but to truly value each and every person. I think that's the dream that Dr. King was talking about.