Lessons from the Pit

The Spirit whispers to me in my agony:

"Do not seek after only good days my child,

you do not learn what you need from them.

Do not rely on the lovely and light and pleasant,

they will just as soon float away when trouble comes.

When that time of trouble comes...embrace it.

Hold it close to you and behold it intently.
Do not scorn its presence.

For when one is without,

THAT is the time when one realizes the need.

THAT is when true appreciation comes...

When there is a lack,
THAT is when one realizes how much is left.

THAT is when Gratitude sets in...

Health and Youth are but fleeting things.
Strength and Happiness are qualities that waft away.
Weakness and Sadness seep deep into the bones.
They hang there and develop the true sort of strength

And a true sort of Joy.
The kind that physical circumstance cannot take away.

Cry out.

Yes, cry out to God.

Though God may seem far off at the time.

The One Who Understands is much nearer than you suppose."

In that cry of desperation,

My God My God, why have you forsaken me?
When I am at my lowest,
That is when I start to look up

And see what has been there all along.
That's when I peer inside
And see who I really am.

I run to hide under Your Wings.

You take me in like a Mother Hen.
I find solace in Your Arms.
You will never let me fall to the point of ruin.

Nothing is beyond repair in Your Hands.

I lift my hands that once were fists

That once beat my breast in sorrow.
I lift them high in praise and thankfulness.

I open them to receive the Grace You have for me.

After the suffering, I have new eyes to see the world around me.
My heart is softened, I am no longer blind to others' pain.

My heart is also enlarged, I can carry more after You have lifted my burden.
My hands seek to do the work to love others as You have so Loved me.

De-Winterizing the Heart

I start to peel back the plastic and adhesive

that clung tightly to my windows this winter.

The sound of it pulling off of the frame is

as satisfying as the sound of popping bubble wrap.

It is like pulling off a bandaid after the wound heals:

It is Spring, and I no longer need the protection.

While I know there may be some cold snaps yet,

I do not fear the chill as I might have months ago.

My body is acclimating to this new state of being,

I am stronger from the winter solace.

It is Spring, and warmth is coming soon.

I crack open the window and a cool pleasant breeze

flows into the room, refreshing the staleness.

I hear birds chirping and see the brilliant sun setting

over the beautiful city skyline I call home.

It is Spring, and I feel the hope in the air.

Lessons From Flying - Outgoing

We take off east instead of heading directly towards the destination.
As we begin to bank to the left, I glimpse my city amidst the fog:
Its distinct skyline slightly silhouetted by the rising sun.
It is almost too harsh to view, but I look intently for the familiar shapes and lines.

Soon enough, we continue our curve towards the west
And begin to put miles between our steel flying machine and my home.

The landscape below transforms into a thick layer of clouds:
an alien terrain of rippling, puffy ether.
This highway in the atmosphere will lead me to an even more foreign place.
This place is full of beauty and wonder and adventure.
Yet it is not all unknown: it holds the familiarity of an old friend.

Air travel can certainly be argued to be a "point A to point B" experience.
Of course the reason is to cut down the time in order to more enjoy the destination.
But I would say that the journey, the line between, matters.
It has something to teach me as much as the destination.
The question is, do I take the time to really see?

In order to get where we need to go in life,
Sometimes we need to take a good look back.
It seems counterintuitive; but it can be necessary to move forward.
It can be hard to look back: like staring into a bright, burning orb.
But if we persevere, we see what we need to see - and then move on.

The 30,000 foot view of our lives can give us better perspective
And a healthier view of ourselves and our life's path.
The way forward is unknown, but there is promise of Beauty.
And Friendship.
And Adventure.

I try to remember this as I see the miles multiply;
Even as I am not yet where I want to be:
I am exactly where I need to be.

Grief in the Seasons

As summer fades into the cool crispness of fall,
I am reminded that life has its seasons too.

Fall reminds me that dying is part of life.
Certain things need to die in order for others to thrive.

The waiting is difficult,
but I know spring and new life will come again.

And if I fixate too much on spring,
I will miss out on the things that winter needs to teach.

If I worry too much about the oncoming winter,
I will not enjoy the melancholy beauty that is fall.

There is a sad/beautiful ache to grief.
It wraps my heart and hangs there for a while,
as if testing the branches of the tree that is my soul.

Time passes.
The remnants of us slowly fade.

How many more articles of clothing and kitchen utensils will I find that is yours?
Less, as the time goes.

I see the pictures of you drop off of the page,
as each new one without you is added.

Part of me is glad to not have the memories at the forefront.
Part of me grieves the willful process of forgetting the past.

Yet, I decide to unplug.
I need to let some things go.
And be ok with whether or not they return.

Now it is winter, I thought I was doing so well.
The sudden cold makes me realize how alone I am I night.
Trying to keep myself warm under the covers.

And yet, I am not truly alone.
There are many wonderful souls who stand at my side.
They help me to grow and point me toward life.

I will try again, and I will try again.
In a new place where you are not.

But not now: Now I am to find out who I really am:
Who I am will be made clear through the dead of winter.

And more importantly, WHOSE I am.
Can I trust God when he says that I am Beloved?

The pain will lessen, and my heart will thaw,
as I begin to live into that identity.

Today, I grieve.
Today, I feel the darkness.
But even winter, is just the beginning of spring.

A light shines in the darkness

"A light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

A Word for those who need something to hold onto.

A Word that brings Hope to the hopeless.

A Word that alludes to the "here, but not yet".

A Word that defies the odds and looks to the day when a single flame will become a blazing fire - the Holy Spirit covering the entire earth.

It is enough

I feel like I go big or go home with my faith.  As if the little bits of truth aren't enough.

I write big things on my blog of real profound truths that I discover...only to fall on my face the very next day.

I think the point is to get up and keep going, not lay back down just because I didn't "get it" this time.

I need to see the LITTLE thing that God has for me today and be satisfied with it.  My daily bread is enough.

I need to learn to take it in steps.  Kind of like my friend Emma and her physical healing.  My spiritual healing is a slow process that should not be rushed.

I need to leave quiet space in my life in order to hear what the Holy One is saying.  To hear the Voice say, "you are beloved, I AM enough."

Prayer

Does it work?
Can we really "change God's mind"?
Or is it an illusion?

Are there certain words to say?
Should I say nothing?
Is it an advanced form of listening?

Am I the answer to my own prayers?
Do I have courage to be the answer?
Do I pray for that courage?

Can I feel a change?
Do I see it work?
Or do I feel like I'm hitting a wall?

Do I get to see results?
Or grow closer to the mess?
Realize that it is bigger than myself?

Is it done alone?

Or done in community?
Does "where 2 or more are gathered" apply?

Approach with humility?
With anger?
With a rote method devoid of feeling?

Do you answer questions God?
Are you listening?
Are you there?

Listening

Thought of the day in haiku form:

Listening: a vital skill
I must figure out.
Use my ears more than my mouth.

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EDIT:
I found out that a haiku is actually 5 - 7 - 5, so here's my addendum:

Listening is hard.
Humility is the key.

Ears over the mouth.

Photo Haiku

Standing side by side
We will forge brand new terrain
On this trodden ground

Wasteland

by MichiLauke
http://gimppac.deviantart.com/art/Wasteland-71797727

one of THOSE days....

Ever had one of THOSE days?
Ever had everything wrong?
All your plans are set ablaze?
And your day runs on too long?
(it's a test)

Today I had such a day.
Today it was mine to own.
All my progress wiped away
and into the wind was blown.
(I am blessed)

I want to start a fire.
I want to hide in a hole.
Lay down into the mire
and castrate my very soul.
(what a mess)

Somebody please hold me now.
Somebody please help me stay.
Cause I really don't know how
I will move on from this day.
(give me rest)

Ode to Snow

Oh Snow, you are so cold...
but also beautiful.

You freeze my toes...
but warm my heart.

You crash people's cars...
but make my sled fly.

Oh terrible and wonderful thing that is Snow...
How sad and glad I am that you have come!

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An "Ecclesiastes Moment"

I'm having an "Ecclesiastes Moment"...

You know...when you wonder what the heck this is all for?

When you sit back, take stock of your life and think, "What is the meaning of this?"
Or, "How can I keep up this charade?"
Or, "Why do I even bother?"

(This is not in a suicidal tone, by the way.)

It is really about feeling you are missing something.
Like something is not quite right.

People say, you are being too negative.
People say, you need to lighten up and live a little.

But the "Ecclesiastes Moment" tells me differently.

Is it ok to feel this way?
Am I really just being silly?
Should I just forget about it and go on with my life as usual?

I don't know for sure...

Perhaps, these "Moments" point us to something deeper.
Something bigger.
Something greater than my own life.
Greater than this world.
Greater than all that is.

Perhaps the "Ecclesiates Moment" turns into something else.

If we wait patiently.
If we look intently.
If we trust completely.

Perhaps in those "Moments" we find Hope.

Real Hope.
Not the fake hope that the world gives us.
Hope that carries us.
And gives us real meaning.
And a reason to truly LIVE.

So don't brush aside that "Moment" when it appears.

Ask, "What is this for?"
Ask, "Why am I doing this?"
Ask, "Who am I anyway?"

Pay attention and someday the "Ecclesiastes Moment" may turn into a
Moment of Peace.