Abba's Child - The Imposter

This is from the second chapter of Abba's Child.

Manning writes about the "Imposter"...the self that creates a facade to hide brokenness:

Imposters are preoccupied with acceptance and approval. Because of their suffocating need to please others, they cannot say no with the same confidence with which they say yes. And so they overextend themselves in people, projects, and causes, motivated not by personal commitment but by fear of not living up to others' expectations.

Imposters draw their identity from what they "do" as well as from their relationships with others (the need to please others). The true identity of being "Beloved" does not play into the Imposter's view of self. My "Imposter" is focused on how I can get the next word of approval from somebody. Now there is nothing wrong with being affirmed and getting approval. But how much of my time is spent seeking this approval, when I already have it? I find myself a glutton for approval...even when God or my closest friends or family tell me repeatedly that I am worthy, I keep seeking after approval as if they told me the opposite.

Manning breaks down the reality of the impostor:

The sad irony is that the impostor cannot experience intimacy in any relationship. His narcissism excludes others. Incapable of intimacy with self and out of touch with his feelings, intuitions, and insight, the impostor is insensitive to the moods, needs and dreams of others. Reciprocal sharing is impossible. The impostor has built life around achievements, success, busyness, and self-centered activities that bring gratification and praise from others. James Masterson, M.D., stated, "It is natural of the false self to save us from knowing the truth about our real selves, from penetrating the deeper causes of our unhappiness, from seeing ourselves as we really are - vulnerable, afraid, terrified, and unable to let our real selves emerge."

So we are not only hurting ourselves by building this false self but also others. It can also hurt to see ourselves for who we really are, but peeling off these layers can be freeing. It is my first reaction to thrash the Impostor inside of me. But Manning says that is not the way to go about healing wounds:

Peace lies in the acceptance of truth. As we come to grips with our own selfishness and stupidity, we make friends with the impostor and accept that we are impoverished and broken and realize that, if we were not, we would be God. The art of gentleness toward ourselves leads to being gentle with others - and this is the natural prerequisite to for our presence to God in prayer.

God is compassion. Therefore as His sons and daughters, we need to be compassionate to ourselves. And if I do not forgive myself, how can I truly forgive others? I can come to love my true self, because that is the self that God created and loves very much. This is not the narcissistic love of self brought about by the Imposter, but the self-confidence of knowing to Whom I belong. The more I realize how I am loved by my Abba, the smaller the imposter becomes.

Abba's Child - Come Out of Hiding

I'm currently reading a wonderful book called Abba's Child by Brennan Manning. It really speaks to me and I think it may speak to others as well, so I'm going to include a particularly good excerpt from each chapter and share my thoughts.

The following comes from the first chapter, Come Out of Hiding:

Manning cites Henri Nouwen (another great author) as saying,

Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, "Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody." ...[My dark side says], I am no good...I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence. (emphasis added)

Manning goes on to say,

We learn to be gentle with ourselves by experiencing the intimate, heartfelt compassion of Jesus. To the extent that we allow the relentless tenderness of Jesus to invade the citadel of self, we are freed from dyspepsia toward ourselves. Christ wants to alter our attitude toward ourselves and take sides with Him against our own self-evaluation.

I have beaten myself up over so many things: my failure to "measure up." The crazy thing is that I say I believe in a God who loves me infinitely, yet my attitude of myself has often been quite the opposite. God can forgive people's sins, but I can't forgive my own. I downplay the tremendous Grace that Christ has to offer me by doing this. I also dismiss the many talents and the good that my Creator has placed in me. I think this blocks God's ability to use me in caring for others. The funny thing as I write this is that I feel I am beating myself up, for "beating myself up". God save me from this terrible cycle of self-condemnation!

I think it is in times like these that I need to stop thinking so much and self-evaluating and just invite God in to my moments of self-reflection. Just let His peace settle into my being and still all voices but His.

Manning goes on to iterate the fact that God uses us in our weakness and to deny or shun that weakness is to deny the very thing that may help someone else. We relate to each other not through our power or strength, but through our humbleness and weakness. Jesus Himself says, blessed are those who are poor in spirit, and I think this is why: we are more capable of receiving God (and each other) in this humble state. This is why we can relate to Christ, because He Himself was humbled by becoming human.

Stop beating yourself up and start seeing that you are Beloved. Stop over-analyzing and just bask in the presence of a loving Abba (Father). I am saying this to myself of course...but maybe you can relate?

Fires on Google Maps

I saw a cool/scary thing on Google maps just now. They are showing reports and updates on the fires out west. They have burn areas, evacuations, shelters and other information represented visually on their maps. I haven't seen anything like it.

Things like this remind me how terrible these fires really are and remind me to keep prayer for and think about those effected by this disaster. It also makes me think, though technology is great and can really help society, in times like this (and any time really), it is community and person-to-person contact that really matters.

New Portfolio website!

It's finally complete! My portfolio website can be found at my new domain here: www.pachickster.com

Let me know what you think! I had a bear of a time trying to get the colors and other details just right.

Portfolio

Hi all~

If you've come here looking for my portfolio at www.pachickster.com, it's not quite ready yet. Keep checking back and in the meantime, you can enjoy my Blog.

Thanks!
Tricia

Tricia's Best of the 'Burgh

This is my unofficial guide to some of my favorite eateries and hangouts in Pittsburgh. So next time you're complaining about how there is nothing to do here...refer to this list. This is a work in progress...so I'll have more to add soon.

I will definitely take other suggestions under consideration for addition...just comment and I'll add it to the list if I deem it worthy. :)

I will make a new post for each neighborhood...when I add to the list, I will add a new post and a link back to the original post.

But first, here are some categories that do not fall under a certain neighborhood:

Best Place to buy Fresh Produce
Neighborhood Farmer's Markets - Check out my buy fresh, buy local blog.

Best Place to Read (for Free!)
Carnegie Libraries of Pittsburgh - All you need is a card! There are several locations.

Check out:
The Best of East Liberty

Tricia's Best of East Liberty

The BEST OF
My neighborhood
East Liberty
The neighborhood north of Shadyside in between Negley Ave. and Negley Run and East Liberty Boulevards and Stanton and Center/Penn (with a small section hanging out on Black and Chislett in the North West corner). Click here for more information.
Buses that run through East Liberty are:
To/From Downtown via the Strip District: 77 D/F/G from Friendship along Negley and Stanton, 86A/B via Penn Ave
To/From Downtown via Bigelow Boulevard, Baum and Negley: 77 A/B/C
To/From Downtown via Oakland: 71A from Centre along Negley, 71C via Ellsworth and Penn Ave., 500 via 5th Ave and Highland Ave.
To/From Downtown via the Hill District: 81B along Centre, Penn and Lincoln
To/From Downtown via the Busway: EBO, EBA, EBS, LP
To/From the Waterfront via Squirrel Hill and Shadyside: 64A along Negley, Centre and Highland Ave.
To/From Garfield via East Liberty Blvd., Penn and Negley: 89A
To/From Morningside, Stanton Heights and Larimer Ave: 94 A/B/C

Best Theatrical Venue
Kelly-Strayhorn Theater - Formerly the Regent Theater, it is the only movie theater of 7 from East Liberty's past to remain...now renovated into a live theatre venue focusing as a unique cultural and educational resource in the community.

Best Place for Ribs
Steel City House of Ribs - I need to get the exact street address, but it is on Highland Avenue right before Eastminister Presbyterian church across the street from National City. GOOD food, the price is right, and the service friendly.

Best Place for Ethiopian
Abay Ethiopian Cuisine - Pittsburgh's only Ethiopian Restaurant and it's sooo good! The Combo plate for 2 is probably good enough for 3 people.

Best Place for a Drink
Sharp Edge Beer Emporium - Very nice selection of imports, leaning heavy on the Belgians. They also have great burgers. A bit pricey, but you can get selected food for 1/2 price after 10:00 PM.

Best Place to get Groceries
It's a between Trader Joe's and Whole Foods Market, but Trader Joe's wins for the price. Also check out the Farmer's Market.

Best Place to get your Groove On
Ava and the Shadow Lounge...I haven't been to Ava yet, but Shadow Lounge is pretty cool. Both places are connected to each other.

Best Place for Pizza
Vento's Pizza - Home Depot came in but this little pizzeria wouldn't budge. There are other good places for pizza, but I picked this one just for the good story. :)

Best Place to Read
Border's Books - 2 HUGE floors full of books, with a Seattle's Best Coffee on the 2nd floor. Also check out the East Liberty branch of the Carnegie Library system.

Best View
The bell tower in East Liberty Presbyterian Church. Take a tour of the building...it's pretty amazing.

Best Place to go to the Doctor
East Liberty Family Healthcare Center - They will often help you even if you don't have health insurance.

Best Place for Coffee (non-chain)
Union Project Cafe - technically it's in Highland Park, but there's another one I'll highlight there. This Cafe also has a program for training youths aging out of foster care.

More will be added as I discover them!