Abba's Child - The Beloved

To be completely honest...I was feeling pretty badly about myself until I started reading this chapter. Here's where the HOPE comes in...

The last chapter said that "Peace lies in acceptance of truth." If we were to stop there, we would wonder what kind of "peace" the author is talking about, since the truth means realizing that we are broken. Broken isn't a good thing last I checked. However, if you add the fact that an all-powerful God is also an all-loving God, and LOVES me as I am, then I begin to see that I have been measuring myself with the wrong standard.

While the impostor draws his identity from past achievements and the adulation of others, the true self claims identity in its belovedness...
God created us for union with Himself: This is the original purpose of our lives. And God is defined as love (1 John 4:16). Living in awareness of our belovedness is the axis around which the Christian life revolves. Being the beloved is our identity, the core of our existence. It is not merely a lofty thought, an inspiring idea, or one name among many. It is the name by which God knows us and the way He relates to us.

This is what I was missing. I do not need to constantly beat myself up for not being good enough. I am already loved and need to rest in that love. But how do I do it? How do I let God's love saturate into my being? Manning says that "time alone with God" is where this occurs.

Our longing to know who we really are - which is the source of all our discontent - will never be satisfied until we confront and accept our solitude. There we discover that the truth of our belovedness is really true. Our identity rests in God's relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ.

Many people will find this time for solitude as a selfish endeavor...what is life without community and serving others? It would be good to note that Jesus himself took time to get away from the crowds and spend time with his Abba. If Jesus had to take time to reconnect with God and feel his belovedness, why should this be any different for me? In taking care of my relationship with God, I can be more loving in my other relationships, since I will be more in touch with who I am: Beloved.

Solitude is not easy. I do not know what to do or not do. I feel like meditation is a great thing, but it is so hard to let go of worry and all the million thoughts running through my brain at any given moment. This requires some dedication and discipline.

Part of me wonders about the value of prayer and alone time...it just doesn't seem to make sense at times. I suppose one way to look at it, is that I know that God loves me with my brain, but I do not KNOW it with my whole being. I can rationalize my way into believing my Belovedness, or I can let go of my "trying" and open myself up to feeling God's love in every way possible. I can only do this through quieting myself and letting Abba speak. Maybe I don't always hear a voice...maybe He doesn't speak at all...but perhaps it is just "being" in the presence of God that matters. I hope I can begin to do this more...I have plenty of time that I spend just over-thinking and over-analyzing...why don't I give up that time and those situations I'm worrying about to God?

I'll close as the chapter closes: "Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion."

Abba's Child - The Imposter

This is from the second chapter of Abba's Child.

Manning writes about the "Imposter"...the self that creates a facade to hide brokenness:

Imposters are preoccupied with acceptance and approval. Because of their suffocating need to please others, they cannot say no with the same confidence with which they say yes. And so they overextend themselves in people, projects, and causes, motivated not by personal commitment but by fear of not living up to others' expectations.

Imposters draw their identity from what they "do" as well as from their relationships with others (the need to please others). The true identity of being "Beloved" does not play into the Imposter's view of self. My "Imposter" is focused on how I can get the next word of approval from somebody. Now there is nothing wrong with being affirmed and getting approval. But how much of my time is spent seeking this approval, when I already have it? I find myself a glutton for approval...even when God or my closest friends or family tell me repeatedly that I am worthy, I keep seeking after approval as if they told me the opposite.

Manning breaks down the reality of the impostor:

The sad irony is that the impostor cannot experience intimacy in any relationship. His narcissism excludes others. Incapable of intimacy with self and out of touch with his feelings, intuitions, and insight, the impostor is insensitive to the moods, needs and dreams of others. Reciprocal sharing is impossible. The impostor has built life around achievements, success, busyness, and self-centered activities that bring gratification and praise from others. James Masterson, M.D., stated, "It is natural of the false self to save us from knowing the truth about our real selves, from penetrating the deeper causes of our unhappiness, from seeing ourselves as we really are - vulnerable, afraid, terrified, and unable to let our real selves emerge."

So we are not only hurting ourselves by building this false self but also others. It can also hurt to see ourselves for who we really are, but peeling off these layers can be freeing. It is my first reaction to thrash the Impostor inside of me. But Manning says that is not the way to go about healing wounds:

Peace lies in the acceptance of truth. As we come to grips with our own selfishness and stupidity, we make friends with the impostor and accept that we are impoverished and broken and realize that, if we were not, we would be God. The art of gentleness toward ourselves leads to being gentle with others - and this is the natural prerequisite to for our presence to God in prayer.

God is compassion. Therefore as His sons and daughters, we need to be compassionate to ourselves. And if I do not forgive myself, how can I truly forgive others? I can come to love my true self, because that is the self that God created and loves very much. This is not the narcissistic love of self brought about by the Imposter, but the self-confidence of knowing to Whom I belong. The more I realize how I am loved by my Abba, the smaller the imposter becomes.

Abba's Child - Come Out of Hiding

I'm currently reading a wonderful book called Abba's Child by Brennan Manning. It really speaks to me and I think it may speak to others as well, so I'm going to include a particularly good excerpt from each chapter and share my thoughts.

The following comes from the first chapter, Come Out of Hiding:

Manning cites Henri Nouwen (another great author) as saying,

Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, "Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody." ...[My dark side says], I am no good...I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence. (emphasis added)

Manning goes on to say,

We learn to be gentle with ourselves by experiencing the intimate, heartfelt compassion of Jesus. To the extent that we allow the relentless tenderness of Jesus to invade the citadel of self, we are freed from dyspepsia toward ourselves. Christ wants to alter our attitude toward ourselves and take sides with Him against our own self-evaluation.

I have beaten myself up over so many things: my failure to "measure up." The crazy thing is that I say I believe in a God who loves me infinitely, yet my attitude of myself has often been quite the opposite. God can forgive people's sins, but I can't forgive my own. I downplay the tremendous Grace that Christ has to offer me by doing this. I also dismiss the many talents and the good that my Creator has placed in me. I think this blocks God's ability to use me in caring for others. The funny thing as I write this is that I feel I am beating myself up, for "beating myself up". God save me from this terrible cycle of self-condemnation!

I think it is in times like these that I need to stop thinking so much and self-evaluating and just invite God in to my moments of self-reflection. Just let His peace settle into my being and still all voices but His.

Manning goes on to iterate the fact that God uses us in our weakness and to deny or shun that weakness is to deny the very thing that may help someone else. We relate to each other not through our power or strength, but through our humbleness and weakness. Jesus Himself says, blessed are those who are poor in spirit, and I think this is why: we are more capable of receiving God (and each other) in this humble state. This is why we can relate to Christ, because He Himself was humbled by becoming human.

Stop beating yourself up and start seeing that you are Beloved. Stop over-analyzing and just bask in the presence of a loving Abba (Father). I am saying this to myself of course...but maybe you can relate?

Fires on Google Maps

I saw a cool/scary thing on Google maps just now. They are showing reports and updates on the fires out west. They have burn areas, evacuations, shelters and other information represented visually on their maps. I haven't seen anything like it.

Things like this remind me how terrible these fires really are and remind me to keep prayer for and think about those effected by this disaster. It also makes me think, though technology is great and can really help society, in times like this (and any time really), it is community and person-to-person contact that really matters.

New Portfolio website!

It's finally complete! My portfolio website can be found at my new domain here: www.pachickster.com

Let me know what you think! I had a bear of a time trying to get the colors and other details just right.

Portfolio

Hi all~

If you've come here looking for my portfolio at www.pachickster.com, it's not quite ready yet. Keep checking back and in the meantime, you can enjoy my Blog.

Thanks!
Tricia

Tricia's Best of the 'Burgh

This is my unofficial guide to some of my favorite eateries and hangouts in Pittsburgh. So next time you're complaining about how there is nothing to do here...refer to this list. This is a work in progress...so I'll have more to add soon.

I will definitely take other suggestions under consideration for addition...just comment and I'll add it to the list if I deem it worthy. :)

I will make a new post for each neighborhood...when I add to the list, I will add a new post and a link back to the original post.

But first, here are some categories that do not fall under a certain neighborhood:

Best Place to buy Fresh Produce
Neighborhood Farmer's Markets - Check out my buy fresh, buy local blog.

Best Place to Read (for Free!)
Carnegie Libraries of Pittsburgh - All you need is a card! There are several locations.

Check out:
The Best of East Liberty