While I have not been writing in my blog lately but I've found that the purpose of my blog has morphed over the years. It used to be a run-of-the-mill write-about-everything sort of blog, then in 2010 I repurposed it for my Pic-a-day project. It has since gone back to the underutilized multi-purpose blog with which I began.
One of the main topics I keep coming back to is my faith. My messy, not-so-fleshed-out at times, sporadic, sometimes inspired but deeply important to me, faith or relationship with God. Some of these writings have been very important to my processing of life events and how my faith plays into the grand scheme of my existence. So I think I'm going to focus now on my faith journey and write about what I'm processing at the moment.
I understand not everyone prescribes to my kind of faith or even any faith, so if that is you, please know that I may be talking in a language that does not make sense to you. I'm creating this space to help affirm my own spiritual wanderings and to actively discover and ask and listen and stretch and grow. I welcome any honest questions as I believe they are all part of the process and journey, but please know that I'm likely not going to change my overall standpoint on where I think I should be with this...just as I would not try to throw my way of thinking on to you! Please read with a grain of salt, and I hope there is some intersection of understanding where we can connect and relate.
I have been going through a bit of a spiritual desert land. I mean, it's been filled with many great faith-filled people and events, but in my everyday life, it has reached this sort of staleness. Part of it may be self-inflicted, but part of it is a serious bit of questioning what I had previously assumed and really, it's just that the mechanics of it have fallen apart for me. It's hard to pray. I'm scared to ask for God's will since I don't know that I'd be willing to go there and "give up" my facade of control. And yeah, I'm not really sure what to think about "God's Will" either (who really does?). :) I've never really doubted the existence of God, but I have doubted God's presence. I want to know in my head AND heart God exists and is fully present. Right here.
So here it goes. To keep a sort of standard, I'm going to try to write here 1-2 times a week, more if I'm feeling particularly motivated. Why write in a public blog as opposed to a private journal? Well frankly it's because of the accountability part. Even if no one reads this, the fact that it's in the public eye, will help me to keep pushing forward. If other people are struggling in similar ways, it would be really comforting to get some feedback and encouragement...and maybe it will help you too!
The only path forward is straight through the tough bits... they are what make us stronger in the end.